Drifting

To the anonymous commenters from last week's post, thank you. It's helpful to get feedback as I crack out of my shell and the encouragement is quite welcome. I can only speculate who the first comment came from. Of course, there is a world of material in my daughters and their transition from life in the rural tropics to a bustling semi-arid suburbia; they are, after all, what it's all about. It is difficult for me to delve into Costa Rica again. Unfortunately, the mention of it still makes my insides exude with bile. It is a beautiful place, with a lot of great people, but honestly, the seven years we spent there were filled with mind boggling challenges and frustrations that went way beyond the woes of the typical expat. Finally, the horrific tragedy that our friends experienced, and we with them, was enough to make anyone want to wipe it all away, like stubborn grime.

Ironically, my first hint of nostalgia for Costa Rica came only a few weeks ago. It began to rain here in Colorado; much like in Puriscal. It just didn't stop. It felt so familiar, something like home. Then things started to wash away and the first photos of half fallen roads grabbed my heart-strings, it was oddly comforting. Once the severity of the flooding here really sunk in I was reminded of the intensity of life in Costa Rica and how accustomed we became to so many hazards. I realized, as I do every so often, that life back in the U.S. feels pretty tame. Sure, the cost of living is different and we are certainly not short on bad news, but there is a reliable function to the place, landslides aren't annual, and local bureaucracy at least maintains a facade of upright integrity.

Just like in Costa Rica, my husband and I strive to find opportunities and security for our girls. I can say that their lives are equally beautiful here as they were there. For as many challenges as we faced, we do not regret the years we enjoyed raising our family in such a small, natural setting and we have bonds from those years which will most certainly endure. However, we feel at ease that we have moved on. Life is absent of many challenges now and we are content to see our daughters launch into the world from here. Is it perfect? Heck no, but there is something to say for being close to family and share a familiar mentality with society. Especially after what happened to our friends, it is comforting to be surrounded by homeschoolers and a general public that is slightly alternative and hinting at independent.

It has been three years since we left Costa Rica. I remember, when we first moved to Arizona, being aware of needing a direction to take my blog, a label, a #hashtag, if you will. I turned to the desert; it was also foreign to me, it had fascinating history, unmatchable geography and seemed to be spilling over with potential story lines. Then I passed the blog over to a critical examination, we moved again and here I am, two years later and with a whole new perspective. Someone asked me if the voice I am letting out is my own. I think part of the reason I have found it hard to write is that I have to be sure myself. I do not wish to find my voice borrowed from another's, nor do I want to lack the courage to express what I observe. I know for sure that I was jolted several degrees from where I had been and from this new vantage point, I do see everything differently. I've been encouraged to "let the ink flow." I can't deny that. I love to write. So pardon me as I drift around, and thank you for staying tuned.